She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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