Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
