I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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