I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
