3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
