Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
