i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm always down for nudity.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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