There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
