For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
