So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
