hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the day after is always just damage control
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
