You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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