my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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