oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
