god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
