Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
