rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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