One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
