super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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