I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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