idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
