I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
