Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
