you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
