I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
