ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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