ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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