You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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