Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
