I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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