You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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