direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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