well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
