I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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