i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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