How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
