Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
