Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to make out with him forever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
