my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
