i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
