Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
