My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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