I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
