you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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