It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
