so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
