Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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