I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My bed smells like the plague
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
