So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
