So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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